Monday, February 28, 2011

How a tiger could pronounce meow??!

It was already 5.40pm, India was batting and those were the last few overs left. She was supposed to have come at 5.00. ( I prefer our regular timings..means 12 hour settings). I decided to call her.There was no response.,rather out of coverage area. Tension was building up slowly. ( I am telling about myself, our Indian men in blue were pretty steady in their batting feats.). The plan was to drive back home before it becomes too dark,rather before they start the second session of the match. I preferred to hit the jogger rather than to sit simply and finish the plates of vadais.

I switched on the treadmill and  there came my chinga kutti ( A lion cub..let him be so..will tell the reason later). I now had  started on  with the fast button..’DAD..I would also do treadmill along with you’.OH ,NO! This fellow would suddenly come and stand on a running machine. Where is the slow button..Better, Off button. He stood on the railing of the machine and told –‘O.K Start’. I pulled him back and told- ‘Son, I would be jogging fast .You cant match my speed’. You  pretty well know how kids would respond when we tell about something which mentions about speed and strength.Same thing happened here too.Ultimately after much persuasion it was decided that I would walk for ten mins followed by him. Now, this was a new problem to tackle.He started to hang from the sofa to see whether the timing has reached 2 mins 3 mins and so on. I now had to stop the machine again and do some talking ..Our deal was ,he would sit on the sofa till I finish and  I would count  one , two , three after each minute . Perfect deal. Slowly speed was building up too.. I was almost huff , puff... panting, an eye on tv. Only commercials..and now..OH NO NO NO PUPPY.NO CARTOON NETWORK..I switched off the treadmill ,exchanged it for the tv remote.

Indians had made a pretty 338, It was 6.00 and my bitter half was no where in sight.Oh I never mentioned about where she went. The summary of the story is only this. She had a batch meet ( school friends from her place meeting in their school) in the afternoon. I wonder why they preferred a Sunday afternoon for a chat session. As a qualified driver husband, I brought  her from salem to her mother’s place ( I was wondering how the other husbands allowed for this sort of a chat session.. ? blissfully  ,they are out of coverage area  for some time?). I don’t want to drive the winding road with headlights on and some brazenly rash private bus owners speeding in the opposite direction. So I took leave of my in laws and with my son started back towards my car.

The car was parked far away because the road in front of my in laws’ house  was being re laid with fresh cement. She was supposed to stay back home as she wanted a consultation with her gynec madam( now that was  a different matter , fought and settled.. of course in favour of her views). Me and my lion cub took a round about tour to reach our car. By this time I was scoffing with anger, preferring to pounce upon her at the first instance of her phone call. I could also give the excuse that I was driving the car and so I need not  lift the phone. While I was about to go towards the car, the phone call came from a different mobile..I preferred to keep my cool least for the first few sentences..Let me reserve my roaring for time being, now that I stand on a steady wicket.I have reasons to roar. Infact I showed my displeasure too..that she could have called from some other phone, that we had to walk quite a long distance.she told sorry profusely and asked me to wait .( I too wanted to wait,but told otherwise)  while talking I saw her getting down from a car and coming towards me..slowly the tiger inside me started to shrink in size. But I still preferred to keep up to my standards.. Mentioned how I sacrificed a precious Sunday making way for her to meet her friends.We all started moving towards my car..and suddenly I remembered that I didn’t get my car keys..This was when I started my first me....ow....

She called up her dad, bought the car key and the farewell was perfect. Except for the fact that all her cajoling made my cub more sad and he started demanding her to join us. I then had to put a stern face , dissuade her from all her sweet talk and let ?him face thing s bravely. :( ( I had to take care of him this night and get him ready for school next day morning too..).windows closed, I put on my music and my cub started to curl up in the back seat.

On the tenth mile , there was a phone call..’Sir, I called up madam.but her phone was not reachable,there’s a patient with previous cesarean and pains’.Naturally she should have called me first.I am the gynecologist.( and now can you understand why the matter was fought and settled). This irritated me and the tiger inside me started growling. I called her home , told the situation ,asked her to be ready and see her doc some other day. Took a U turn, came and picked a silent wife and started zooming past. Both were grim and  I was concentrated  in driving. After quite sometime I wanted to break the ice..I turned to say ..Are you angry??..Where..there she was ..happily tucked her head between a pillow and a head rest and mildly snoring( naan inga karotti vittu pona , ava koratta vittu vara).

We reached the clinic. The patient had come in a bike. ( oh, of course with her husband)I got a stare from my wife for that . Then she complained of only  leg pain. I examined her and declared “FALSE PAINS”. But anyways admit her for observation. The mighty tiger inside me started to mellow. She had a long face and I preferred not to disturb her psyche. We came home and I didn’t even try to watch my programme , rather I took up to computer. I listened to some vessels being utilized  in kitchen. My son was deep asleep on the bed. I then stealthily took up to watch tv.

Food was served, rasam and roasted papad for me. After a long stalemate she opened her mouth.( I mean to talk).. ‘Every other time when I want to spend time with my ppl you put a long face and bring me back here.’.slowly  talk disguised itself to sobs..’your parents too aren’t with us’.’mornings you have a nice time with colleagues while I stay put in the four walls of the clinic’..then all the other choicest archanai( like how my vishnu has some thousand names ..  I too have.. that I bare my teeth only to her, that I have thick hide, that My stripes are frightening..).and now when I wanted to say something , the first thing was a mild meow... and after that only
Meoooo... w
meow.. meow..meow

Ps. I am not alone... I know about father meow, Uncle meow, father in law meow, friends meow..Only meow which is not seen is a son long as a son is not married he is still a chinga kutti   (yerarntha kanni yeshodai ilam chingam...tiruppavai. kannan .the lion cub to yeshoda ,the one with deep looks)

மார்கழி திங்கள் மதி நிறைந்த நன்னாளாம்
நீராட போதுவீர் போதுமினோ நேரிழையீர்
சீர் மல்கும் ஆய்ப்பாடிச் செல்வச் சிறுமீர்காள்
கூர் வேல் கொடும்தொழிலன் நந்தகோபன் குமரன்
எரார்ந்த கண்ணி யசோதை இளஞ் சிங்கம்
கார்மேனி செங்கண் கதிர்மதியம் போல் முகத்தான்
நாராயணனே நமக்கே பறை தருவான்
பாரோர் புகழ படிந்தேலோரெம்பாவாய்

Friday, February 25, 2011

A Soft weave..

You are different now
I have no love left, nor fear, or bitterness
Life longs for that sweet innocent love

Life is different now
You have no ramblings, nor fear, or sorrows
Your jest speaks of trifles , boldness and of facts

Facts are no more fantasies
You broke open your cocoon
And there you are , with wings, colours and strength

Strength baffles my heart
A moth still I am , prisoner of my weave
Nevertheless, my God lent me a purpose
Painless, and in slumber, I part with my home..

Home , sweet  home
Where he resides in his splendor
And after chains of joy and longing
We reach HIS form, me and you...

सर्व भूतानी कौन्तेय प्रकृतिं यान्ति मामिकाम I
कल्पक्षये पुनस्तानि कल्पदौ विस्रुयाम्यहम I

At the end of a cycle, O son of Kunti! all beings return to the unmanifested state of my Cosmic nature.At the begining of the next great cycle, I cast them forth again.(9:7)

( hmmm.. I try to think in tamil and write in english... please bear with me..A mini anthaathi. ;)... )

Sunday, February 20, 2011


This love isn’t a flower

To have withered and lost

My love was a fire

It devoured everything

Yourself and me..

And when it asked for more

I showed my dear God.

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Is there a devotee’s pangs of separation?

If my answer is an Yes, I would be wrong, If my answer is a no- I still would be wrong.But so many things have changed in the past and I  had promised to become a devotee for kannan’s sake.Not that I loathe the decision. In fact that was his way to bring me into his fold.But I only fear my conscience as to how far I am true to my promise.I have a profession, I have a family, I have my kannan too.when the balance trips,my dear ones are startled.But I know that he takes care of me with my worries.sometimes my soul gets startled when  I feel that I  veer out of my path.I am no different person. I am one among others , with deceit, loathe, passion, love and desires, but with some new found love towards kannan.The reason behind this maybe because that  I started reading some 4000 verses in tamil.The mysticism in those poems completely captivated my heart, especially the 1000 by Nammazhwar..

So to answer the question posed by Kpartha ( Ah, nice symbolism-I mean the name)I'll get the help from nammazhwar's verses..( and hide behind him)

நெறிகாட்டி நீக்குதியோ? நின்பால் கருமா
முறிமேனி காட்டுதியோ? மேனாள்- அறியோமை
என் செய்வான் எண்ணினாய்? கண்ணனே! ஈதுரையாய்
என் செய்தால் என்படோம் யாம்?

Ignorant  now I am, ignorant I was in days past
What maketh me of myself ,  my dear lord?
showing  thine path ,will you part?
Else will you wait, to behold my hand?
Whatever be your design, I dither not
Abandoned too , I’ll track thy path..

þ¨ÅÂý§È ¿øÄ; þ¨ÅÂý§È ¾£Â
þ¨Å¦Âý È¢¨ÅÂȢ §ÉÖõ- þ¨ÅÂøÄ¡õ
±ýÉ¡ø «¨¼ôÒ¿£ì ¦¸¡ñ½¡Ð; þ¨ÈÂŧÉ!
±ýÉ¡ø ¦ºÂüÀ¡Ä ¦¾ý?

These are verily good for my heart
These are to be frowned by the soul
These are good and bad, I know
You fit myself into  these, my lord
Without thy designs and your word
How am I to know the chaff?

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Be a part of myself....

My heart is melting,
Say not  comforting words
Please melt with me
My eyes are moist
Don't try a wiping hand
Just fill the void
The burden is heavy
Don't try lifting it..
Just be a part of it
For this sadness
Is not bought by suffering
But by separation
Till His light clears the mist
And forms little droplets on the leaves
Let this coldness cover the woods...


Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Wild flowers do have fragrance...

Love captures two beating hearts
When love is dead, the heart still beats..
The breeze carries the scent of the forest
When the air is still the essence isn’t lost..
Memories haunt, yet they are so dear.
For a wild flower too have petals so soft.
And when some day  my eyes shed tears
They'll wash the folly of nature and the past..

This was inspired by a poem by hope..
thank you madam..

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Unto his feet..

Happiest was my love, ‘cos it hurts me the most.
I wish to be born like you, to live and bury the past.
I gave you my words and  you let them fly free,
For you never needed them to be kept forever..
I loved my heart, I loved my words, I loved my promises
Though all these three are  never wanted anymore
A bruised heart needs some distant time to heal
Till another  set of memories lash to open fresh wounds
My soul took the shape of the vessel you offered.
Drained since HE desired, to become one with ‘HIM’

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Placid is my lord... Nammazhwar pasuram

I had once put a query, while telling about a pasuram by thirumazhisai azhwar.. “ Do I make God appear too menial?”. I got an answer for that from Nammazhwar.Actually azhwar in tamil simply means some one who is ‘immersed’.. Immersed in the love towards HIM..These mystic saints were so immersed  in bhakthi  that we do not know the actual names of 4 of the 12 azhwars  and  in fact thirumazhisai azhwar  is called by the name of his place of birth . It doesn’t mean that the others were having royal patronage. They sung only in praise of HIM and one could rarely find names of kings or chieftains in their songs and that is exactly the reason why there is so much confusion in ascertaining their period or dates.
And about this pasuram., I liked this one  because this reflects so much about a personal God, the incomprehensible ,omnipotent ,supreme being is simply told in words that make him become close and amiable for a devotee..And my heart carries this song like a child which carries it ‘s favourite toy, often caressing the words and admiring the meaning..

ÀòШ¼ «ÊÂÅ÷ìÌ ±Ç¢ÂÅý, À¢È÷¸ÙìÌ «¡¢Â
Å¢ò¾¸ý ÁÄ÷Á¸û Å¢ÕõÒõ ¿õ «Õõ¦ÀÈø «Ê¸û
ÁòÐÚ ¸¨¼ ¦Åñ¦½ö ¸ÇŢɢø ¯ÃÄ¢¨¼ ¡ôÒñÎ
±ò¾¢Èõ ¯ÃÄ¢¦É¡Î þ¨½ó¾¢ÕóÐ ²í¸¢Â ±Ç¢§Å!

His humility baffles my words, and placid is my lord
So easy to his devotees, yet difficult for others
Easy to reprimand and allowed to be tied
For his pranks and his stealth,killing all his pride
Mighty  though as he , is the consort of sri..
He still is a desciple for his humble devotees.