The shattering crystals...

photo courtesy. sri raam kalingarayar

Shattering crystals, cutting through the rocks

making  way for the upcoming drops.

Brimming lake waters,having free fall

Mischievous and strong, for a stream so small.

Precarious stones, peeping boulder

Joyous swirls and river dancing yonder

Sweeping coldness,clamps your heart,

Tis sin to step in and never to bath

A return gesture from the earth to sky,

Futile attempts to make little drops fly.

Just to change the mood of my somber blog.. actually this was written some one year back..and that was almost my first english ? poem.. hmm .. I never attempted writing in english then..Never knew about blogging too. Just commented that the caption of the photo was poetic.. for which my friend replied.. hey.. don't make me feel dumb.. its just plain.. for which i wrote this one..  and supported with some tamil pasuram..

காணல் உறுகின்றேன் கல்லருவி முத்துதிர

ஒண விழவில் ஒலியதிர- பேணி 

வரு வேங்கடவா என் உள்ளம் புகுந்தாய் 

திருவேங்கடம் அதனை சென்று...

திருமழிசை அழ்வார்

You entered and stationed in my heart.

Yet, I long to see you in your grandeur,

of Tiruvengadam, and the incessant chants

of your devotees, which, like shattering crystals 
of the stream over the mighty rocks,
Flowing through  in eternal splendour..

Thirumazhisai azhwar..

photo courtesy ..trekearth.com

was this the stream which tirumazhisai azhwar spoke of in his pasuram some 1300 years ago??:)

Fare well.. My little darling..

(I am just staring at the computer screen unable to type anything. I spent some trying times in hospital last week.My wife's bp shot up to life threatening levels and she had to be delivered. We had a very preterm delivery. My little darling daughter spent just 4 days with us..She was just 600 grams..and the last day she was out of all tubes and wires and was with us..? listened to HIS thousand names as she was parting us..)

A
Rose bud
withered before dawn
I couldn't even gather
the petals for
safe keep.

I
collected
all my dreams
held close to heart
to blow them
away n far
again

A
mother's tears
are more pitiful
when she labours
for a dead
child

My
painful heart
hardened and softened
held close to prayers
preventing my eyes
dropping
tears.

The
same seconds
And the minutes
stretches into oblivion
as my timid heart
anticipates for
an early
result

( while she was labouring and  I was waiting outside)

and the tamil one.. for my girl.... I couldn't translate....

மாசத்துக்கொரு காசு, மண நாளுக்கு சேத்து வச்சு
புதுசா கோடி வாங்கி, பதவிசா பூச்சூட்டி
வீசம்மா கை வீசு, வண்டிகட்டி போலாமின்னு
ஆசையா நெனச்சதெல்லாம் ஆகாத கனவாச்சே..

கண்ணே , கனியமுதே , கைபடாத சித்திரமே..
பொன்னே, பசும்பொன்னே , பூவிதழே, பொன்வண்டே
எந்நேரமும் நெஞ்சில் இனிக்கும் சக்கரையே
வின்னேற நீ வந்து வயித்தில் பிறந்தாயோ?

காய்ப்பேறி போச்சுது என் தோளு, மகளே நீ உறங்காம
தேய்பிறையா தேஞ்சு போன தங்கரதமே, என்னுயிரே
தாய்ப்பாசம் வேணாமின்னு தலையிலதான் உன் எழுத்தோ?
காய்ப்பிஞ்சு பழுக்காம கருகுனதேன் செல்லம்மா?

சின்னஞ்சிறு கிளியேன்னு பாரதியா நான் பாட,
தென்னாடன் குலமகளேன்னு கண்ணதாசன் போல பாட
என்னென்னமோ தாலாட்டு நான் புனைஞ்சு நீயுறங்க
என் மகளே நீ என்ன ஒப்பு பாட வெச்சுட்டியே..

போயி வா மகளே நீ போற எடம் சுகமளிக்க
ஆயி அப்பன் அண்ணன் நாங்க மஞ்ச தொட்டி கட்டி போட
வாயிருந்தும் அழைக்காத வஞ்சிக்கொடியே உன்ன
தாயாய்  நான் பெறனும் , தவிக்க விட்டு போனவளே

தாதை முத்தாதை வழி வழியாய் தொண்டு செய்த
கோதையே நீ வாழ்ந்த வில்லிப்புத்தூர் கோவிந்தன்
மாதை நெஞ்சில் வைத்தான், மாலோலன் உன் மணாளன்
பேதையாம் என் மகளையும் , தன்னுடனே அழைதானடீ

Fragrance of Life..

photo courtesy-sri raam kalingarayar.

It was horribly late .I don’t know how I became unmindful of minutes today morning.There was this big truck taking a reverse turn in our narrow lane and we had to wait in  a long queue of morning zoomers.Nothing was bothering puppy , for he is still too young to understand about late timings and was very sure that I would land him up in school, if not in school bus. I fastened my seat belt as the traffic cleared and entered the main road.

Shakthi medicals, murugan stores, sharadha college... Oh ! the bus was not to be seen at all and I was incessantly honking my way up the road. Ok, Probably  Hasthampatti roundtana.Yeah, the bus was spotted  and was taking a turn  at the signal. Unfortunately we had to face a blaring red light.

I was pondering..yesterday was too hectic for me.The day before I had a high risk delivery and had to be awake the whole night. Soon after finishing that my eyes were compelling me to take rest for at least an hour, but puppy had to be  taught maths, at least in the  morning. Just a brush up for his annual exams. It was an usual day, came home in the evening, planned to teach him Tamil.But there was a call from hospital and had to go immediately. Not many patients. Unfortunately the one who had called up came very late and by the time I came home, puppy had slept.

I slept like a log and skipped my morning jog,but got up in time to wake  puppy. Bleary eyed he was, unusual for getting up so early.  I Made him brush his teeth, wash his face and started on with the third term tamil portion. Tamil grammer was new to me. All what  I learnt in my school days was kannada. So was enjoying teaching him.

Her phone rang. I was irritated with the caller. I told  her to switch off the phone for few days. What with all her bp shooting up and sometimes scaring me to the hell.She required admission and being a gynecologist myself, had a domiciliary treatment under my care.

It was then that she was thanking some one.,OH!! How did I forget this today morning. Suddenly  I was enveloped in a gush of remorse. ‘Oh God, Meena I forgot to wish you.I really, really , was telling about your birthday to my colleagues yesterday morning.I was too pre occupied to remember today’. Told puppy about her birthday, and all three of us had a tight hug.

Some days are like this.I called up my colleague to carry on as it was getting late.No car pooling today. Asked him to inform resident medical officer that I would be late for work today.Signal cleared and  again we  started chasing the vehicles in front of us. There is a railway crossing.probably I ll catch his bus there. A motor cyclist honked , overtook us and signalling.It was then  I realized that the door was not locked properly, and also the school bus was just a way in front.I asked the motor cycist to stop the bus if possible.

School children spotted Adhithya in the car and the bus started to slow and move towards the left. I became relaxed. No need for permission today , I can catch up before 9 am in the college.I said bye to puppy, and started driving towards college. Put on the music, and now started following traffic rules.Out of all traffic now, crossed city limits and on NH47 in my usual speed. Now, I realized why she was asking yesterday whether I had to go to college this day. Hmm, I’ve probably become old. Old enough to forget birthdays.I suddenly felt guilty.There was this song from my player. Something is missing today.Ah! The fragrance of tulsi leaves( holy basil).

Suddenly  I searched for the next crossing in the National highways, took an U turn and started driving towards home. I parked my car and honked.She came out , surprised and smiling, asking ‘why did you return back?’. With a twinkle in my eyes  I answered ‘ You didn’t give tulsi leaves for my dashboard today, and my kannan was sad for that’.She smiled and replied.” I’ve got enough tulsi garland for both of  us to go to temple today morning” as I was entering my home.

( The song which reminded me of the fragrance...

கற்பூரம் நாறுமோ? கமலப்பூ நாறுமோ?
திருப்பவழ செவ்வாய் தான் தித்தித்திருக்குமோ?
மருப்பொசித்த மாதவன்தான் வாய்ச்சுவையும் நாற்றமும்
விருப்புற்று கேட்கின்றேன் சொல்லாழி வெண்சங்கே ....

கோதை நாச்சியார்

What does it smell? of lotus or camphor?
How does it taste? of honey or nectar?
Parted ruby lips, a place you shelter..
Their fragrance and taste, ye do know better
I wait to listen with awe and eager
Your words on him ,on my lord, his nature...

Kothai natchiayar about krishna's conch in natchiyar tirumozhi.)

Desires Unlimited...

It was windy and cold outside. I sat by the steps and was knotting my sneakers.Once done, my legs failed to follow the routine.What happened to all the neuronal signals from the motor area? Is there another master to synchronize everything into order? Probably he is too tired to give instructions, maybe distracted.

Whatever it may be, I just sat there trying to listen to the whispers. And the master started arguing. His voice becoming clear now. He was scolding me for being greedy, for forgetting my past blessings. I whimpered, unable to give even a meek answer. But, I was holding fast to my desire. I was sure, that this will not be my last wish.Yet, I couldn't let this one to be humbled.

I softly answered, 'Did I not ask from a person who is generous? let me too have a share of his bounty'. The master's voice mellowed a little and with concern , told. 'You have had a past experience, and you very well knew that it will repeat for the next.You closed your eyes for whatever you did not wish to see. And now, why are you afraid of the logical sequence?'.

I knew, it is hard to silence him, that he will gain strength if I try to. I better ask from my generous Lord. I know that I was granted a major share of his kindness.So what? I am bound to ask him and He is happy to give me. I removed my shoes and came back inside the house.It had not yet dawned. She was sleeping peacefully. Probably the little one inside her is also comfortable. Forget about all concerns. I slipped beside my five year old son, my benevolent master's greatest gift, lifted him and placed his head over my chest. My wife nudged towards me. I gently placed my hand over the small bulge over her lower abdomen, and silenced those voices..And slowly drifted into a peaceful sleep..

Reminds me of a Purandara dasa kriti....

ಇಷ್ಟು ದೊರಕಿದರೆ ಮತ್ತಿಷ್ಟು ಬೇಕೆಂಬಾಸೆ 

ಅಷ್ಟು ದೊರಕಿದರೂ ಮತ್ತಷ್ಟರಾಸೆ 

ಕಷ್ಟ ಬೇಡೆಂಬಾಸೆ, ಕಡುಸುಖವ  ಕೊಂಬಾಸೆ

ನಷ್ಟ ಜೀವನದಾಸೆ, ಪುರಂದರ ವಿಠಲ 

ಪುರಂದರ ದಾಸರು..

I want some more, when I have a few,
when my wants are sought, I seek anew.
I loathe all trouble and just want pleasure
This life, of deceit , I hold so dear...


Purandaradasa..

Ahh..Yes... Love..

When

The spring of love dies..

What remains are just

Sand and stone

I wonder..

What becomes of the undercurrent?

And what He spoke of...

My fear is yours, your strength is mine

You spoke for me, and my hopes are thine

Promises I broke, please never keep in mind

My prayers sound mean, still i cling to your word

My desires are more , yet worthiness low

At times like this, God,whither shall i go?

I closed my face in your open palms

In deep anguish, to seek thy calm

Wretched be the soul, your grace shall grant

My one whole wish, held close to my heart.

and what he spoke  of...

Completely relinquishing all paths, seek me alone for refuge, I will release you from all afflictions.Grieve not. ( Sri Krishna in Bhagavat Gita 18-66)

Certain things are beyond the so called " Evidence based medicine".. Hope is one such thing..I prefer to be a lay person in understanding things happening to my dear ones..But my medical knowledge keeps me in constant fear..

"That thou art"..Tat Tvam Asi...

For fearsome, He is terror manifested

And for seekers of Love, He is a passionate partner

A father to a son, son for a bereaved soul

He is oldest of my grand old sire,

Yet manifest in my child in the womb

He is dual for those who think he is

He is one and only one pervading every single thing.

I am him, for those who believe in that

He is that, ever present, omniscient and all powerful.

He is the ying the yang, satan and the god

He is what the mind can conceive, and null for those who deny.

He is the one whom you want to see in the mirror

your self or the one behind you or beside you..

He is my God, with mace, a disc, a conch and a flower.

He is my friend, my father , my mother and my lover..

( Inspired by a banner showing god wrestling satan in my son's school day celebrations..And remembered the verses by Kulashekara azhwar..

தேவரையும் அசுரரையும் திசைகளையும் படைத்தவனே!
யாவரும் வந்தடிவணங்க அரங்கநகர் த்துயின்றவனே !
காவிரி நல் நதிபாயும் கணபுரத்தென் கருமணியே!

ஏவரி வெஞ் சிலைவலவா !இராகவனே  தாலேலோ

Gods, demons and even directions
are nothing but his graceful creation
they all come , landing into his residing
To Srirangam, where my lord is resting
In kannapuram , also he stays
the same cauvery flows here with ease.
Deft with his  mighty fearful bow,
Raghava, lullaby unto you now.)