Desires Unlimited...

It was windy and cold outside. I sat by the steps and was knotting my sneakers.Once done, my legs failed to follow the routine.What happened to all the neuronal signals from the motor area? Is there another master to synchronize everything into order? Probably he is too tired to give instructions, maybe distracted.

Whatever it may be, I just sat there trying to listen to the whispers. And the master started arguing. His voice becoming clear now. He was scolding me for being greedy, for forgetting my past blessings. I whimpered, unable to give even a meek answer. But, I was holding fast to my desire. I was sure, that this will not be my last wish.Yet, I couldn't let this one to be humbled.

I softly answered, 'Did I not ask from a person who is generous? let me too have a share of his bounty'. The master's voice mellowed a little and with concern , told. 'You have had a past experience, and you very well knew that it will repeat for the next.You closed your eyes for whatever you did not wish to see. And now, why are you afraid of the logical sequence?'.

I knew, it is hard to silence him, that he will gain strength if I try to. I better ask from my generous Lord. I know that I was granted a major share of his kindness.So what? I am bound to ask him and He is happy to give me. I removed my shoes and came back inside the house.It had not yet dawned. She was sleeping peacefully. Probably the little one inside her is also comfortable. Forget about all concerns. I slipped beside my five year old son, my benevolent master's greatest gift, lifted him and placed his head over my chest. My wife nudged towards me. I gently placed my hand over the small bulge over her lower abdomen, and silenced those voices..And slowly drifted into a peaceful sleep..

Reminds me of a Purandara dasa kriti....

ಇಷ್ಟು ದೊರಕಿದರೆ ಮತ್ತಿಷ್ಟು ಬೇಕೆಂಬಾಸೆ 

ಅಷ್ಟು ದೊರಕಿದರೂ ಮತ್ತಷ್ಟರಾಸೆ 

ಕಷ್ಟ ಬೇಡೆಂಬಾಸೆ, ಕಡುಸುಖವ  ಕೊಂಬಾಸೆ

ನಷ್ಟ ಜೀವನದಾಸೆ, ಪುರಂದರ ವಿಠಲ 

ಪುರಂದರ ದಾಸರು..

I want some more, when I have a few,
when my wants are sought, I seek anew.
I loathe all trouble and just want pleasure
This life, of deceit , I hold so dear...


Purandaradasa..