My version of the story..

Adhi climbed up the bed..He was mildly annoyed with me because I had refused to get him new colour pencils for his drawing competition on Sunday. He had a book in his hand.. 555 questions and answers about science and nature. He picked up a page for me to read.. I was lying down, meddling with my cell phone..And whatever page he had opened.. I read it for a while and pondered..To quote the book..” In the beginning, all the universe was squeezed into an unimaginably small , hot, dense ball. The big bang was when this suddenly began to swell explosively, allowing first energy and matter, then atoms, gas clouds and galaxies to form. The universe has been swelling  ever since.”

I closed the book.. I took him out to the balcony.. showed him the moon, stars clouds, the vast expanse of land and speaking something gibberish all the while. How can I make him comprehend whatever I thought was the origin of universe..We came back to bed and I read those pages to him now..He turned the next page and told.. “this one  too"..  I asked him about what he understood of whatever I told.. He told something in his own words..And that turned out to be another version of whatever the universe wanted to tell about itself..I told him, enough for today and pulled him towards me.. and kept thinking...

Then started typing in my cell phone..Anyway I got a post to amuse myself..

In the tiniest of tiniest of tiniest of whatsoever,

He rested, unmoved,  unheard and unsure.

His roar, His pace, His penetrance and the bang,

I compare with the sun, the earth and its pace for a turn.

In flesh, In words, In deeds and In feel

Are the fragments that burst, that formed and that perish.

His day and night are years woven together.
The numbers are whose and compared with what?
When He rested, He was the tiniest of all force,
And  he manifests somewhere in the humility of my heart..

Farewell and a welcome...

I chased you Out 

I chased you out

As a kid,

I chased you hopping into the yard

I chased you out

As a kid,

I chased you pick a grain or two..

I chased you out.

When yards were big, and grains abound

When afternoons were a time to rest..

I chased you out

When we were kids..

when T’was just fun to chase..

I chased you out

Out of his world

What have I got to say to my son??

http://caughtoncamera.aminus3.com/image/2011-01-04.html

( A note by the photographer:..When i saw these little sparrows, did i realise that its been ages since i saw a sparrow.. Thanks to the Great Indian urbanisation, these birdies have bade farewell to our concrete forests... How much more are we going to lose?)

 And this was a post inspired by Sahana.

(.http://arsahana.blogspot.com/2011/07/beauty-of-birds.html)

Actually I started writing about something else... So I will write the one which I originally intended to write

I woke up with a message...

http://caughtoncamera.aminus3.com/image/2010-11-13.html

A blanket of concern covered my form                  

Like  warmth spreading on a misty vale.  

Eyes tied down, yet spreading calm

My heart set sail, with a gentle gale..

The words did flow from a  distant land

Simple, yet caring, smile and all..

Strange it is, like a magic wand,

To live today, with a song in my heart..

( I had been out of state on official work.. and came back early in the morning..And then this word of concern from a long forgotten friend from UK..Yeah.. I am fine.. dear friend..)

Rays... of hope..

photo courtesy sri raam kalingarayar...

I better myself each passing day.

Today is different from yesterday

Tomorrow will usher with greater hope..

A fortress of ice, I’ve built around..

Tis reassuring, till the coldness prevails..

Your warmth, your rays may melt them all

Who knows, I may start liking the grass..

Your love is like carrying

Loads of grains on my shoulders..

I couldn’t convince that I am more happy

‘cos my shoulder hurts less

As the grains are lost on the way..

Some words  of passion flow with ease

Some words do hold the mirror to my heart..

For those deep words which fail to come..

They send other words on their behalf

And all along , my heart does cry..

“Wait, Hush! He does listen to them all..

On the day of reckoning

I  hide  a coin from His sight..

‘I couldn’t use this all the while

Please lord, Do let me play again’..

கண்கள் மனதின் சாளரங்கள்

பிரியாத உறவென்பதொன்றுமில்லை..

பழகாத பிரிவென்பதொன்றுமில்லை..

சொல்லாத வார்த்தைகளை தேக்கி வைத்தால்..

கண்கள் கோள் சொல்லாமல் போனதில்லை..

பஞ்சைக்கு முன் இட்ட 

விசம் கலந்த விருந்து நீ..  

உண்டு சாகட்டுமா?

காணாமல் வாழட்டுமா?

I thought I started conversing with me alone .. writing in tamil.. but Yvonne and NRIgirl promptly shook me from my recluse...( hey, I no more converse with myself .. So I thought I'll edit again..)

eyes are windows to the heart..

who stays forever? For every dear one leaves..

so does the separation, and we adapt to the loss..

eyes are the culprit, for they always reveal

all words unspoken, stored in the vault..

For my hungry eyes.,

you are a perfect feast..

poisoned and tempting

should I eat to die?

or turn blind to live??..

 

Pretense and Andaal..

Penance, I have never known
Knowledge is but patchy and few
My love, I retract and want again,
Comforts for the soul to gain.
Deliverance,unto your feet I loathe,
'truth, are but lies deftly closed'
I say, I fancy all these words
With a mind of wool to rave and play..
A greater fish swallowed me,
My tiny world closed on me
and when at last you swallow me..
I wonder whether it balms the soul...


You forsake me
with the same intensity
with which you loved me..
I stay baffled as to find
which was pretense
and which was the truth!


( In bits and pieces I  write whenever I find time..Doing surgeries are no doubt my passion, but writing poems too , I love of late..probably this is the fish which is being swallowed by a bigger fish... )

another pasuram by Kothai andaal..which speaks of love and pretense...

செம்மையுடைய திருவரங்கர் தாம் பணித்த
மெய்ம்மை பெருவார்த்தை விட்டுசித்தர் கேட்டிருப்பார்
தம்மை உகப்பாரை தாம் உகப்பர் என்னும் சொல்
தம்மிடையே பொய்யானால் சாதிப்பார் ஆர் இனியே?

கோதை நாச்சியார் ..

'Relinquish all and seek me alone'
His words carried through ages down,
'He seeks, those who seek him true!'
those words, are they a pretense now?
Is there someone to coerce him?
to remind his ways, to mind his words?
for he never did fend my heart..
from wholesome love and languid pain...

Kothai nachiyar..

And NRI girl had commented in my last post.. that the pasuram also evades her..
so I translated the pasuram on a free day.. but unable to write down in blog..

the translated version of the poem..

Devoid of vice, A blossomed mind
'HIS' radiance , does it try to find
and through my senses and my flesh
In vain, I fathom to hold his grace..
In days past, now and days to come.
He stays unmoved, compared to none,
and all through, He is dear to me,
My lord, who is dearer than life...

Nammazhwar..

Monsoon is active in our part of state... Love the rains.. and the cloud again reminds me of another andaal pasuram...

Thoughts On  a monsoon evening..

We got ready soon.She was waiting in the sofa, watching tv..I was standing on the balcony, watching the clouds gather and the winds forcing them towards the yercaud hills..And then started the downpour., the proper lashing rains of monsoon..

We planned to go for usual Saturday temple, following it with odyssey stores, then some light dinner outside.( amma definitely would have prepared something at home). We preferred to leave our son with my parents..I too need some time alone.. all these ten days I was busy with work and practice, the last weekend I had a confernce to attend. Operating on high risk patients sometimes drains us  with all post operative complaints..So needed some space to be together.

I came to the rainshadow side of the balcony. Watching the wind, the rains and the sway of the tree tops.I was reminded of a pasuram by Andaal..

She came beside me and told “ shall we skip temple today.. I can’t wade through the puddle there with this saree..we just could go to odyssey and come..Morning we shall go to the temple.” I smiled and told, “Ok, we shall first go to odyssey and then decide”.

She would have wondered , why i never scoffed for getting all the stuff she thinks is important, which I say ‘occupies space at home’..And when I drove the car from exit side of Odyssey, I turned towards the road to temple.The heavy downpour had subdued, and she too was never in a complaining mood..

and the pasuram by andaal..

கார்காலத் தெழுகின்ற கார்முகில்காள்! வேங்கடத்துப்

போர்காலத் தெழுந்தருளிப் பொருதவனார் பேர் சொல்லி

நீர்காலத் தெருக்கினம் பழஇலைபோல் வீழ்வேனை

வார்காலத் தொருநாள் தம் வாசகன்தான் தருளாரே.

கோதை நாச்சியார் 

OH! The darkened clouds of monsoon..

Will you reveal my pain to the lord

Who’s name ,like trance, I chant forever

The valorous lord of Venkatam hills..

like the withered leaves of a giant milk weed,

ready to snap at the touch of a drop

My heart swoons for his  word of love

all through, I pine for the day to come..

kothai naachiyar..

Vekatam hills( tirumala) photo courtesy..Sriraam

(   P.S... A perfect start for a sunday.. I hope to become active blogger again ..Haven't read other blogs too.. Yeah, she woke up and telling me to get idiappam from Uzhavar Santhai for morning breakfast before it gets over there.. .;))

What did I listen to?

what can I offer, which he has not made?

He saw me though again, standing in the crowd..

Whose beckoning, I loathe, I go when I please

Through my senses I try, to comprehend his grace

I wade, I hide, I say my heart blossomed

Through words which I read, I spoke and I listened.

He stood there smiling, while I covered all follies

Still in the crowd, tending to my worries..

His call I ignored, I say I am his owning

I came through ages, free to his choosing..

http://www.flickr.com/photos/sriraamkalingarayar/

 மனம் அகம் மலம் அற மலர் மிசை எழுதரும்
மனன் உணர் வளவிலன், பொறிஉணர்வவை இலன்
இனன் உணர் முழுனலம் எதிர் நிகழ் கழிவினும்
இனன் இலன் என்னுயிர் மிகு நரை இலனே

நம்மாழ்வார் 

( I thought I had nothing to write this week.. but this pasuram which I read while waiting for a patient to deliver, was stored deep, and I woke up early , inspired to write..)

" Till death do us part"

They have rusted, but still sturdy..

They may squeak, yet they swing

The plank is worn out , still does bridge

They stay, like old couple, wanting a touch

Bound by love and life and hope

To stir again, to swing again...

( P.S. very busy schedule since 10 days, no blog, reading,jog or swimming with puppy, I just wrote this as a sms to my friend's photo, which he gracefully allowed to use the photo and words for my post..

http://www.flickr.com/photos/sriraamkalingarayar/)